Wednesday, July 15, 2009

T-Minus-Thirty-Days

I've reach the 30-day mark at my current job. It's a sad moment as well as an exciting moment. Just one month from now, I will be diving head first into my new career. How do I feel? I really don't know. I keep trying to keep a finger on my pulse, a tab on my feelings, a monitor on my thoughts - but really, it's just a messy jumble. I think I need a mood ring or a magic eight ball to tell me what I feel, what the next month holds.

Right now, I'm sitting here listening to Corey Smith's song "I'm in Love with a Memory" as I type this, and it's really speaking to me. It rings so true. I look back now over the past 5 years of my life, and I think of how much I've enjoyed the law, enjoyed school, studying, lunch with coworkers, writing for the judge, sitting in on exciting trials, and whatnot.

It's easy to look back now and think that this life has been rosy and wonderful. It's easy to doubt my decision to make such a drastic change, to take such a monumental risk. It's easy to think about how much more stable and sure my life would be if I were following the handbook of life that my parents keep pointing me towards.

But guess what: an easy life is a boring one, an easy life is a snooze, an easy life is not what I want.

Plus, between all those wonderful parts of the past five years, there were also struggles with insomnia, bouts of depression, instances of intense disillusionment, major disappointments, unkind people, unkind words, stress that wreaked havoc on my body and my health, and an overall feeling of dissatisfaction with my life and my future.

So maybe I shouldn't be in love with a memory. I have to keep looking forward, no glances in the rearview. Onward and upward and outward I go.

4 comments:

  1. have i mentioned how crazy impressed and proud of you i am??? it's gonna be awesome =)

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  2. Wow! So brave! That's quite a leap: good luck on the new venture and congratulations for having the guts to go for it!

    ReplyDelete